It's scary hard. Thinking. Dreaming. Loving. Forgiving.
I'm trying to be born again. Showing forgiveness to those who hurt me the most and anyone who else who hurt me. My ex...I miss her. It really hurts. I watched W. tonight. It's a movie about George W. Bush before 9/11. Even when Bush was talking and laying in bed with his wife i missed her. And then my friend sent me a link for a pretty good looking apt. that is for rent and the first thing i thought of was my ex.
Tonight i blocked her as being my facebook friend cause i have been tempted to look at her page to see how she has been doing.
Today my class got canceled so i came home and took a nap before my next class. Right before i fell asleep I thought about outer space and how many people are in this world. I'm just one person and there are so many people in this world how can i make a difference, i can't honestly as one person i am nothing and anything i do is only ever going to be for my benefit.
All i can think to do is help others but then those who i help what effect will it have on them? It is just all one vicious circle.
What do you having going for you? The only thing that i have going for me...is being funny. Not funny to everyone though only the people i feel comfortable around other than those people i am really quiet unless you talk to me first and understand my sense of humor.
I hope this feeling of false hope and insecurity eventually go away until then i will just have to make due.
But thank you to my friends that are there for me right now and you probably don't even know who you are cause i never really say how i feel, even though i always tell the truth.
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